New Job Assignment

I was getting somewhat bored with work.  too much time was being lost to the internet because of a lack of motivation on my part to “look” for work.

I prayed about it – almost half-heartedly.  I wasn’t sure if I really wanted more or even something new.  Well…HE has a sense of humor you know…and HE directed it in my direction.

My employer called and asked me to takeover one of our other locations since the manager there decided to leave one Friday.  He gave about negative 20 minutes notice.  He sent, broadcast really, a poorly worded email to everyone burning all the concrete and steel bridges he had.  There was nothing left but scorched earth.

My boss is a good man who treats his employees quite well.  So I was quite shocked to see what my co-worker wrote.  It sounded like he did not communicate with the boss well.  With that said, my boss asked me to take on the responsibility of running his office along with the one I already had.

I AM NOT BORED AT WORK ANYLONGER!!!  I am so busy that I feel like a pinball machine.  I have chosen to workout out of our main headquarters office.  It is a buzz of activity in comparison to my office.  With four, now five, project managers all working multiple projects, there is always some form of drama going on, and I am finding that the other PM’s are coming to me to help with their problems rather than go to the boss as before. 

I am enjoying all the work but it is exhaustive.  I’m glad to have a three day weekend in two days.  I need it.

OK,, Lord, you have had your fun…hope you enjoyed it.

Why I Am A Christian

I am a Christian because this is simply the most beautiful story I have ever known, and I want more than anything to be a part of it.

This is not my original words. They were penned by a friend of mine who mysteriously was able to say just what I feel. Bless you Doug.

http://www.outpatientmonk.com/

A Love Beyond Belief

Yesterday’s teaching at church really challenged me.  What were the emotions that Jesus experience in his final hours?  What was it like, in his humanness, to experience the betrayal of a friend, accusations of crimes he did not commit by people he knew, the terror of the floggings and mistreatment by individuals who probably did not know him, the cross he was made to carry through the streets he had walked all his life, the nails, no, the spikes driven through his hands and feet and the spear in his side? 

How was he able to endure the total darkness that descended on him when his beloved father turned away in his greatest time of need?

Jesus, being part of the triune God, knew much more about what awaited him in heaven than he ever shared during his time with us on earth.  Of this I am sure.  How else could he have accepted his selfless act and not called out for legions of angels to whisk him away.

There must have been a great amount of fear coursing through him as he looked forward to what was about to happen. Having chosen to take on humanness, and be born as an infant just like you and I, then to grow into manhood just as we did, well, it really changes things for me. On the one hand he was still God but on the other he is just like you and me. He bled red blood when he hit his thumb with a mallet or when he fell and skinned his knee.  His skin stung when a sliver pierced his skin while working wood.  His eyes would have had difficulty adjusting to the bright sunlight after spending time indoors.

I’m not sure at all how the divine/human part worked or works and I may have my thoughts and ideas a little messed up and jumbled, but that is what it is to be me – always wondering and looking forward to what I might uncover and understand.

I still have a drive to appreciate and imagine what was going on.   You see, this story is really not so much about Jesus and what He did but about the love our Heavenly Father has for Him and for you and me! Sounds kind of funny, I know, but it is true. God has a love for Jesus and you and me that is unimaginable for us humans to understand. But that does not stop me from trying.

God allowed Jesus to take on the sin of the world.  It was his choice and his alone. Why would Jesus make this choice?  Why would he choose this path knowing what the eventual outcome would be death?  Was there no other way?   

While being crucified is one of the most horrible avenues to death man has devised, beyond that, Jesus became, on the cross, my and your sin, past, present and future.  Did you get that?  He became sin for you and me.  The Sinless One took on the ugly and wretchedness of our sin so we could have a chance at eternal life with Him in heaven.

What is my part in this? God, in his great love, only asks that we believe in Jesus, confess our sins to Him and ask Him for forgiveness. Here is what scripture says in John 3:16 - 18:

16For God loved the world in this way: so much that he would give up his Son, The Only One, so that everyone who trusts in him shall not be lost, but he shall have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world that he would condemn the world, but that he would give life to the world by him. 18Whoever believes in him is not judged, and whoever does not believe is judged already, because he does not believe in The Name of The Only Begotten Son of God.

What a miraculous gift! God loves you and me so much that he allowed Jesus to endure the cross and become sin so you and I might live! More over Jesus went through with it. You see he loves us that much too!

The War Between Angels

We have a picture hanging on the wall in our living room.  It is a painting of a father kneeling in prayer at the side of his young child’s bed.  There is a window above the bed with the curtains gently blowing in the breeze. 

What has struck my interest is if you look through the window you will see and angel standing guard with his sword drawn ready for battle.  Revelation 12 speaks of a battle in Heaven between  the Archangel Michael and Satan. 

^12:7 Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. ⁸ But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. ⁹ The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him. NIV

I have a very good trustworthy friend who traveled with me to Africa some years back.  When it was time for us to go home Gary felt that God was directing him to travel from Kenya into the Sudan.  His adventure is truly a remarkable story.  Gary knew in his heart that God wanted him to go see a specific missionary in the heart of the Sudan.  He agonized over having to go knowing that his life would be in absolute danger if he were found out by the authorities.  He chose to go.

Traveling across the landscape, no roads lead to where he was going, and all he had was a direction from God on where he was to go and when to turn, he found himself in the middle of Sudan on a dark, moonless night with no light to be seen except for the headlamps of his jeep.  Search as he might he could not find his way.  Finally he heard an audible voice say to go in a specific direction.  He looked around but already knew there was no one there except for the driver.  They followed as the voice had instructed.

After over 30 miles he saw a single faint light off in the distance.  Could that be where he was to go?  He made his way to the light – a 40 watt lamp run by a generator in the middle of the Sudan.

The missionary Gary felt led to go see had turned it on in the middle of the night.  He and his family had been huddled in fear for their lives waiting for an attack that they knew was coming from the village medicine man and his followers.  He thought that the light might scare them off or postpone the inevitable attack for a little bit of time.

When Gary drove up the missionary and family were visibly in distress.  Gary bent down and they prayed immediately for safety and peace. 

The next day Gary convinced the missionary to take him to the village...no easy task considering the hostility that existed with the medicine man.  In the village they were escorted to the medicine man because he wanted to talk to the missionary.  Gary asked why they did not attack last night and the medicine man was incredulous that they would ask such a thing.  “We came to attack but we were greatly outnumbered by your army of soldiers dressed in white with flashing swords.”  Gary and the missionary were stunned.

There is much more to this story but suffice it to say that I was thinking of this story and looked up to see the picture in my living room – both included angels with swords drawn – and I began to wonder – is there really a war that was waged, is being waged, will be waged, between good and evil?  Are there casualties?  Can angles die?  Revelation 12 seems to indicate that all this is true.

Very Short Discussion on Healing

I came away from a small group discussion a little confused and perplexed with comments made by someone on prayer for the needy.  I am sure that those around me could see the confusion / concern on my face.  I’m not sure if I misunderstood what was said or if we are just that far apart.  I’m hoping for the former.

I am not trying to put words in their mouth, but, this is what I think I heard, right or wrong.  

I think they said that our prayers for God’s healing and/or intervention for others did not matter if there were other unresolved issues in their lives that would make it difficult for them to have a right relationship with God.

I hope I misunderstood. I have attempted to run the conversation in my mind so many times that it is now just a confusing mess and I know I don’t have it straight any longer.

For me, in my life, it seems, at least, that God almost requires of me to pray for others healing and improvement of life circumstance regardless of the person, their position or circumstance. Knowing that God has asked me to do this simple task is enough. It is His job to take care of the details when he is ready, in His timing, not mine.

My task in this is to be obedient…nothing more, nothing less. However, sometimes I can’t get this simple instruction right. Yet, He asks me, again and again, to be in prayer. It is not for me to decide when, where, how it is to be done. It is my responsibility to just do it when He puts it in my mind…so I pray and say a blessing for those he sends my way.

I do not know the theology behind this, I just know that, in my life, this is how it works.

My Jonah Complex

So for some time I have been struggling with a few issues in my life that have had me quite unsettled.  I know that I have some distance still left to go before I reach a definitive decision time.  The process is painfully slow for me.  I am not know for being patient. 

If you have read my other recent posts you know that I’m on a journey to understand why I do what I do when what I’m doing is not what I want to do.  It sounds confusing but is correctly said.  Why do I do the things I don’t want to do and why is it that I am unable to do those things I know I should be doing?

I am not sure that I have my issue or issues nailed down yet but the one recurring theme seems to be anger.  It does not take much to set me off on a path of anger and destructive behavior.  The anger seems to really manifest itself in a streak of self-will issues.  The “I’m going to do this because I want to do this” even though I know that God wants me to do something completely different.  I like to call it my “Jonah Complex”. 

I do know and understand that when I get angry it almost always will not end well.  I feel consumed with anger at times, never fully understanding what sets me off.  I can be something as simple as words said in a conversation or watching an event unfold on TV.  It can be the real or perceived actions of other people.  Injustice or mistreatment of the helpless and down trodden.  Politics and the antics of politicians or even a news headline.  Some days it almost takes nothing at all to get be going. And, it never ends well.

I have come to think of it as a spiritual issue in my life – I think.  See, I’m not exactly sure that is what it is but I think it may be.  At any rate, that is the path I am pursuing right now.  I really don’t like looking at my own life “under the microscope”.  Looking at other peoples lives that way seems acceptable enough but not my own.  Oh, did I really say that out loud?  Not good.  But, perhaps, true.

I am hoping that God will allow me enough time to figure this out without having to go through an “in the belly of the whale” moment.  But I’m pretty sure He won’t wait long. 

Two of Me

I am working my way through a paper by David Wilkerson.  Yes, that David Wilkerson, the author of “The Cross and The Switchblade”.   And it is quite amazing – it addresses the issue that seems to be front and center in my own life right now.  The struggle that is within me and within you if you are honest about your life.

This is how he starts his paper:   I am a strange creature with two opposing minds in one body. 

Two distinct life forces in me keep trying to control my actions. 

There are things about myself that scare me. Things like a great inner need that can't be explained. Like the constant need for love and fulfillment. Also, those subtle desires that surface on occasion, making me lust for experiences that are contrary to my better nature.

I can't explain why I am such a dual person when it comes to right and wrong. The evil that I hate is always present in me. The good and moral desires are there too, keeping my mind in constant turmoil. It is not an every day, all day long battle, but the evil, at times, tries to overpower me.

Just when I think I've got my act together, things fall apart, and once again I am doing things I really don't want to do.

WOW.  This nails me to a tee!  I knew that when I took on trying to put in words what is going on within me that it would be a journey.  I’m glad to have David to walk with me as I sort out this mess and try to put it in words, make it concrete and not ethereal, make it a known not fiction. 

You see, for me, I like to know what I believe and further, I like to know why I believe what I believe.   And, I like to know how I arrived at that belief.  On what is it based and where did that basis come from.  Who is the greatest influence on what I believe and why do I trust them.  Well, you get the picture.  I’m guessing that this could be a years long journey.  Come along with me and enjoy.

Sorry You Are Upset

So, it looks like my last post caused a lot of consternation with my family and friends.  Sorry for that, well, no, I’m not sorry for the post but I am sorry that you are upset.  All I’m going to say is that some of you have some pretty thin skin.

I’m guessing that you are not so much upset with me as by the fact that the subject matter caused you to confront a subject you would rather leave buried somewhere.  Not my fault.  I’m just sharing what I have been thinking about recently.

There will be more posts in my private blog so as not to upset yo’all.  It helps me a lot to right down my thoughts and work out the issues I’m dealing with.

Be honest, you need to work out what you think about sin just as much as I do.  I need to know WHY I believe what I believe.  I need to know that what I believe is not JUST something I have been taught and thereby accepted as truth.  The Holy Scriptures have taken me much of the way but there is still a pathway to be followed.

Stay tuned…

Why Does Sin Have Such a Pull On the Human Spirit?

Here is a question that I have been struggling with for some time:  Why does Sin have such a pull on the human spirit?  We know that there are consequences for sinning.  We know that it will not be pleasant when we have to fess up and pay the price for our sin.  We even understand that our sin affects more that just we ourselves, i.e., family and friends and possibly innocent bystanders. Yet, we are still drawn to sin much like a moth is to fire.

Each of us has experienced having been drawn to something we know will be harmful to us and those around us.  There are many things in each of our lives.  Perhaps it is gossip, or using an illegal substance, or the way we treat others, or what we allow our selves to watch, or perhaps, even it is a clandestine meet up that we know will only bring hurt and anger.  The list is endless.  You can add your sin or sins to the list if you like.

So, back to my question.  Why are we drawn to the thing we know will be unpleasant, harmful and in many cases downright disgusting?  We have not even talked about introducing the God Factor yet. I mean, if we leave God out of the problem (not a good thing to do under any circumstance) and just look at the physical affects of doing something that we know is going to result in pain, injury or even fractured relationship with those whom we love, why do we do it?  Why are we so drawn, so enamored?  Why is it not repulsive?  Why do we not instinctively turn and run away?

I do have a theory, and it is only a theory, that since we live in a society that does not believe in, nor practice, being held responsible for our actions, we dismiss the fact that there WILL be consequences and instead, shrug off the thought that it will hurt anyone but ourselves.  Therefore in our minds we lessen the consequence and minimize it effect or perhaps even try to rationalize our actions as not hurting anyone else so therefore it is OK. 

I am not a theologian, psychologist or theoretician and I have no experience here except for my own to draw from, but this type of thinking sounds like it will not end well.  I already know that it does not feel well and that having so many questions is confusing at best.  I want answers and not just theories or suggestions.  I also want to understand without doubts why I believe what I believe. 

So where do we go from here?  No, where do “I” go from here? 

My journey has now begun.

New Doctor

Well, the meet and greet is over.  I really like my new doctor.  He is young and energetic.  I like his outlook on life and most importantly, he made me feel comfortable.  Not comfortable enough for my blood pressure to lower much however. 

He is starting me on some new drugs and I have a lot of tests to do over the next few weeks.  Not so bad, I would have had to do the tests anyway.  I just hate (yes, that is the correct term) doing blood tests of any kind.  AND, I really don’t like fasting.  Having to do both at the same time is nothing short of torture. 

The Adventure Continues

So…the adventure continues…well, at least the health care adventure continues.  In December Kathleen and I made the decision to change insurance for me.  After about 12 years with Group Health I’m moving over to Premera.  GH was good to me…no complaints there.  But Obama Care made a mess of everything!

I meet with a new doctor today.  That will mean new labs, blood draws and probably new prescriptions.  I’m not totally sure how I feel about that unless they reduce the meds.  That I would be in favor of.  I will probably have most of it sorted out in a month or so.