Whew, I never thought I’d see the day I turned sixty. It seemed so OLD. I mean like ancient old. But here I am. And you know what? I don’t feel old except when it come time to piddle or do anything that requires physical strength.
In January my son-in-law bought me a snow shovel, of all things. I thought he might use it himself but it was sadly for me. I tried to use it, but it only worked for a few minutes and then it just would not shovel any longer. The automatic function seemed to stop working and I just couldn’t get it to work in manual either. It is still hanging in the barn if anyone is interested to see if you can fix it.;
In February, I tried my hand at using www.pajamagram.com. The pajamas came just as they said they would. On time delivery, packaged in a really nice organza covered hat box with chocolate candies and lovely little oil/scent packages that were supposed to ensure a romantic evening. She really hated the leopard print with red piping sleepware. It looked so good on the young lady in the catalog. I’m not sure how or why it failed to light the fire of desire in her. Valentines was a bust.
March is our anniversary month. She wanted to book a Cruise to Alaska. I wanted to book a trip to Wyoming. We booked the cruise. They say that anticipation is 80% of the fun for a trip. We had all the anticipation and none of the fun. We got cold feet for the cruise after I got seasick sitting in a boat on Lake Union. We never left the dock. There was a little waitress walking around handing out cocktails with a celery stalk sticking out of them. Not sure what they were but between the gentle rocking of the boat and looking at that red liquid with the celery stalk for a while, I started to get green and we had to leave before the boat left the dock. We canceled the cruise. Our anniversary was a bust too.
April brought April Fools day. I got fooled and never ever recovered from it. the boys at work moved my office out to the warehouse – phone and all. It was freezing there and the noise from the trucks pulling in and out made it hard to concentrate on my computer.
May included a fishing trip down the Yakima River. I thought taking a Friday off work to go fishing was a great idea. The water was high and the wind was blowing so hard that the boat, at one point, was going up river on its own. The guide had to oar just so we could go down river. Two anglers and only one fish. Not what I consider a good day on the water.
June came and we celebrated my birthday. No 60! What a day. Didn’t know all those things came in black. I still have some of my packages unopened in the back of the closet. I’m really afraid what they might have in them. The girls at the Miss’s hair salon all swear that black is slimming. Maybe it is on them but it has a way of magnifying my hips way out of proportion to the rest of my body. It doesn’t help me one bit.
For my birthday, we went fishing in Republic with my boss. He lives there. We stayed in our motorhome on his riverfront property. It was really nice until the mosquitos found that we were there. They decided to have us for dinner. There was some other mystery bug there that decided to wake from its slumber too. MRSA! If you have ever seen the movie Hitch then you have a small understanding what I looked like the next morning. My ear was about 10 times bigger than it normally was and I really felt like I had the flue. She had to drive the motor coach home. A 10 to 12 hour drive with me moaning and groaning unintelligible things all the way.
We ended up at the hospital the next day and they modified my plumbing with a new thing called a pick line. The feisty nurse installed a tube in my heart that exited my arm and told me to pump these tubies of medicine in them for the next ten days. 57 syringes later she yanked the thing out without even telling me what she was about to do. I almost lost my lunch right there.
July brought the fireworks. The neighbors almost set my house on fire! The kids were shooting off bottle rockets by the thousands – literally! I have the sticks in my front yard to prove it. I also have the broken window. Those rocket sticks made enough kindling for my other son-in-law to start a bond fire in the back yard. He piled so much stuff on the fire that orange flames were visible from the front yard looking over the house. We had scorched earth for 20 feet all the way around the fire pit.
August brought another fishing trip. Our friends, Loren and Marsha, came to visit and stayed with us for a week or so. Loren and I went fishing for a couple of days. The first day out, first hole of the day, I fell in over my head – soaked completely – in snow melt water. Good thing I had shorts on. I think I dried out by about 7 pm that night after I took a shower at home.
September brought another trip to the emergency room to see that feisty nurse. She installed the external plumbing unit again so I could inject my self with that slimy bug killing juice again. I guess the really cool thing about all this is that the grandkids have really had fun playing with all those syringes. The hold about half a soda can of water and will shoot for about 25 feel. We had some fun wars in the back yard.
October is the kindest month of the year to me. I get to go to Wyoming. I get to meet some good fishing buddies, sit around in my new leopard print with red piping pajamas, and endure their harassment for 10 days. Nothing I would rather be doing.
November brought one of the funniest events of the year. We have been raising two turkeys named Thanksgiving and Christmas since early March. They were ready for the dinner table. They got so fat that they could no longer stand! My son and his mom decided that it was time to harvest. I said to use the ax and just chop their heads off. They chose to use a saw! I suggested that they might like to use the limb lobbers on the second one. They chose to use a knife. As bad as the grizzly event was it wasn’t the worst part. They did it in full view of the chickens. The poor things were traumatized for weeks. They almost starved to death because they wouldn’t let us near the coop without a major ruckus. I now know what hen pecked is all about.
December is here and we had Christmas on the fifth day of the month. Our daughter and my third son-in-law bought tickets to come out for a visit. We brought the who family together and ate Christmas (the turkey). He tasted just fine. You’d never know he had his neck sawn off in stead of chopped. His feet are still somewhere out in the back yard. I saw one of the dogs chewing on it yesterday.
If this is what turning 60 is like, I can’t wait for 61.
