Have you ever felt like you were being tested? Un common dreams, life events that don't seem to match up with what you were hoping they would be? There is the difficulty understanding the whys, what ifs, and most disconcerting of all, the uncertainty of what the future holds?

I am going through my second treatment for the MRSA bacteria infection in 10 weeks. It is not the treatments, they are not pleasant or fun in any way, and it is not having the actual bug that seems to get me. It is getting it back to back so quickly that is messing with my head and heart.

I have met some pretty remarkable people at the medical facility where I go for treatment. Marla, what a gentle nurse who shows all she meets compassion. Julie, the trainee – she who keeps the linens stocked in all the rooms – always has a smile. There are all four doctors who have stopped by to look in on me. Each concerned that I get well quickly. And there is Miss Vicki. She reminds me of Tiny Tim's girlfriend.

Miss Vicki has had the pleasure of inserting a tube in my arm 51 cm and making sure that it went the right way – down into my heart and not up into my brain – all without missing a beat while I am sitting there cracking jokes and, well, just being a little difficult and annoying to someone who is matter of fact, has all the pieces lined up and each piece in its proper place, almost mechanical.

I think she almost relished the opportunity to do it the second time after the little stunt I did at her expense 10 weeks earlier. She did have a somewhat sinister smile when we met in the hallway this time. However she was very nice to me again. Something I did not deserve.

With all that said, I am having difficulty with the ancillary ramifications of being laid up again. Not the actual being sick or treatment but the inability to do my job and the disruption to my daily routine. That's what is really bothering me.

I have great co-workers. They rely on me and I on them. Then when you step out of the daily routine for a week of unexpected circumstance no one has a good idea of how to deal with the phone calls and planning that needs to continue with your work. It stresses them out because they are trying to pick up small pieces and patch thing together and understand what you were trying to do. We all can look at a project and my bet is that we would all take a different path toward the end. Not that any of the paths are wrong, they are just different.

My experience is that this breeds suspicion. I think that is what I fear most.

I have a wonderful boss. He is young, has a very quick mind and can run circles around my in the sheer quantity of work he gets done. I am not sure I have met anyone quite so focused. He is a good man to work for and I am continually learning from him. So, why am I so bothered by this second bout with MRSA?

Perhaps it is my desire to not want to disappoint him. I am not sure. I have some further thinking to do before I make up my mind. All I know is that something about this is really working on me.