One More Day

Ha, ha.  Just one more day till its 2011.  What a ride this year has been.  Whew, I hope it slows down in 2011.  I’m not looking for anything close to a repeat.  My resolution for the new year is “NO HOSPITAL VISITS!” 

One of my friends suggested that he might take out an insurance policy on me.  He thought it might be a really good investment.  Hmmm.  Maybe he’s on to something.

Year Number Sixty!

Whew,  I never thought I’d see the day I turned sixty.  It seemed so OLD.  I mean like ancient old.  But here I am.  And you know what?  I don’t feel old except when it come time to piddle or do anything that requires physical strength. 

In January my son-in-law bought me a snow shovel, of all things.  I thought he might use it himself but it was sadly for me.  I tried to use it, but it only worked for a few minutes and then it just would not shovel any longer.  The automatic function seemed to stop working and I just couldn’t get it to work in manual either.  It is still hanging in the barn if anyone is interested to see if you can fix it.;

In February, I tried my hand at using www.pajamagram.com.  The pajamas came just as they said they would.  On time delivery, packaged in a really nice organza covered hat box with chocolate candies and lovely little oil/scent packages that were supposed to ensure a romantic evening.  She really hated the leopard print with red piping sleepware.  It looked so good on the young lady in the catalog.  I’m not sure how or why it failed to light the fire of desire in her.  Valentines was a bust.

March is our anniversary month.  She wanted to book a Cruise to Alaska.  I wanted to book a trip to Wyoming.  We booked the cruise.  They say that anticipation is 80% of the fun for a trip.  We had all the anticipation and none of the fun.  We got cold feet for the cruise after I got seasick sitting in a boat on Lake Union.  We never left the dock.  There was a little waitress walking around handing out cocktails with a celery stalk sticking out of them.  Not sure what they were but between the gentle rocking of the boat and looking at that red liquid with the celery stalk for a while, I started to get green and we had to leave before the boat left the dock.  We canceled the cruise.  Our anniversary was a bust too.

April brought April Fools day.  I got fooled and never ever recovered from it.  the boys at work moved my office out to the warehouse – phone and all.  It was freezing there and the noise from the trucks pulling in and out made it hard to concentrate on my computer. 

May included a fishing trip down the Yakima River.  I thought taking a Friday off work to go fishing was a great idea.  The water was high and the wind was blowing so hard that the boat, at one point, was going up river on its own.  The guide had to oar just so we could go down river.  Two anglers and only one fish.  Not what I consider a good day on the water.

June came and we celebrated my birthday.  No 60!  What a day.  Didn’t know all those things came in black.  I still have some of my packages unopened in the back of the closet.  I’m really afraid what they might have in them.  The girls at the Miss’s hair salon all swear that black is slimming.  Maybe it is on them but it has a way of magnifying my hips way out of proportion to the rest of my body. It doesn’t help me one bit.

For my birthday, we went fishing in Republic with my boss.  He lives there.  We stayed in our motorhome on his riverfront property.  It was really nice until the mosquitos found that we were there.  They decided to have us for dinner.  There was some other mystery bug there that decided to wake from its slumber too.  MRSA!  If you have ever seen the movie Hitch then you have a small understanding what I looked like the next morning.  My ear was about 10 times bigger than it normally was and I really felt like I had the flue.  She had to drive the motor coach home.  A 10 to 12 hour drive with me moaning and groaning unintelligible things all the way.

We ended up at the hospital the next day and they modified my plumbing with a new thing called a pick line.  The feisty nurse installed a tube in my heart that exited my arm and told me to pump these tubies of medicine in them for the next ten days.  57 syringes later she yanked the thing out without even telling me what she was about to do.  I almost lost my lunch right there.

July brought the fireworks.  The neighbors almost set my house on fire!  The kids were shooting off bottle rockets by the thousands – literally!  I have the sticks in my front yard to prove it.  I also have the broken window.  Those rocket sticks made enough kindling for my other son-in-law to start a bond fire in the back yard.  He piled so much stuff on the fire that orange flames were visible from the front yard looking over the house.  We had scorched earth for 20 feet all the way around the fire pit.

August brought another fishing trip. Our friends, Loren and Marsha, came to visit and stayed with us for a week or so.  Loren and I went fishing for a couple of days.  The first day out, first hole of the day, I fell in over my head – soaked completely – in snow melt water.  Good thing I had shorts on.  I think I dried out by about 7 pm that night after I took a shower at home.

September brought another trip to the emergency room to see that feisty nurse.  She installed the external plumbing unit again so I could inject my self with that slimy bug killing juice again.  I guess the really cool thing about all this is that the grandkids have really had fun playing with all those syringes.  The hold about half a soda can of water and  will shoot for about 25 feel.  We had some fun wars in the back yard.

October is the kindest month of the year to me.  I get to go to Wyoming.  I get to meet some good fishing buddies, sit around in my new leopard print with red piping pajamas, and endure their harassment for 10 days.  Nothing I would rather be doing.

November brought one of the funniest events of the year.  We have been raising two turkeys named Thanksgiving and Christmas since early March.  They were ready for the dinner table.  They got so fat that they could no longer stand!  My son and his mom decided that it was time to harvest.  I said to use the ax and just chop their heads off.  They chose to use a saw!  I suggested that they might like to  use the limb lobbers on the second one.  They chose to use a knife.  As bad as the grizzly event was it wasn’t the worst part.  They did it in full view of the chickens.  The poor things were traumatized for weeks.  They almost starved to death because they wouldn’t let us near the coop without a major ruckus.  I now know what hen pecked is all about.

December is here and we had Christmas on the fifth day of the month.  Our daughter and my third son-in-law bought tickets to come out for a visit.  We brought the who family together and ate Christmas (the turkey).  He tasted just fine.  You’d never know he had his neck sawn off in stead of chopped.  His feet are still somewhere out in the back yard.  I saw one of the dogs chewing on it yesterday.

If this is what turning 60 is like, I can’t wait for 61.

No Contact

Its been three weeks.  No contact.  No word. No email.  No texting.  Nothing.

Our friend, Peter, has gone back to the Sudan, that forsaken place of full of misery and danger.  He wants to find his mother, whom he has not heard from in over 5 years.  No easy task.  There are no phones, computers or other communication devices in the Sudan. 

He left with suitcases packed full of shoes for his family.  Sneakers, boots, stompers, just about any thing he was given by friends.  Not much money in his pockets either, just barely enough to purchase a return ticket.  My guess is that he will spend most of it and have a big struggle saving enough to get back to the US.

We may not see Peter again.  He could just meld back into his previous life, or he might surprise us all and return with his family!  What a joy that would be.

Pray for Peter.  He is one man against formidable odds. Pray that he is able to find what he is looking for and in the process, find happiness and joy. Closure is one of the big items on his mind.  Closure on all the what-if’s life has given him. 

Peter, may God protect you and wrap his loving arms around you as you traverse the wilds of the Sudan.  May you find what you are looking for and in the process, find closure and happiness. 

Blessings on you friend!

Lost Boys of Sudan

Kathleen and I had the distinct privilege of having dinner last night with one of the lost boys of Sudan. He goes by the name of Peter – one he chose for himself from the bible. Peter is a Christian who lived in a Muslim country that has been at war with itself since 1955. It is an African country that the ruling clan wants to make Arab. The ruling clan lives in the north and all the wealth (oil, gas, minerals, salt) are in the poor southern part.

They have been killing one another since before the war started. Peter has lost just about all of his family. His dad was killed; he was separated from his mother when he was 7 and set loose to wander the desert sands of the Sudan for the next hand full of years. He was able to contact his brother last year, but not since. Peter's one desire is to go back to his homeland and find his mother.

Peter is now an American citizen. Yet, while he lives here and sees the life we live – a dramatic comparison at best – he wants to go home, into the war zone, to search for his family. There are no guarantees that he will find anything other than trouble.

Peter is a strong Christian young man. He has an amazing story and testimony of how God has directed and protected his life. I am sure this is not the last I will see or feel of Peter. Blessings on you my new friend.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to learn from the last few weeks. In and out of the hospital daily, doctor appointments, labs, blood draws, more doctors to see. What does it all mean? Yes, I have some little buggers running around where they shouldn't and they need to be destroyed. But is there a chance it is bigger than that? Was there someone in this adventure who needed me to pray for them or offer an encouraging word? Could that be part of the purpose?

I met many people over the last week – some old friends from my previous bout with this bug and I met many new friends. None of them were grouchy or seemed sad. They seemed like they really did enjoy what they did. That was good. It helped me through a tough time. But I still have to ask if there was a deeper lesson for me to learn?

The only issue that jumps up for me is that unlike my previous episode 10 weeks ago, this time it seemed to be about me. I mean, for me, it was about me and not about others. I did not remember to pray for those whom I had conversations and discussions. I didn't pray for the assistant (Julie) or the blood draw lady (Vicki). I did not pray for the nurse (Marla) nor for the doctors (can't remember their names). It just seemed to be about me. Why was I so focuses on me and not them?

That's not to say that there were not brief moments where I prayed for them – it just was not what I was focused on – and probably should have been.

Lord, forgive my selfishness.

Have you ever felt like you were being tested? Un common dreams, life events that don't seem to match up with what you were hoping they would be? There is the difficulty understanding the whys, what ifs, and most disconcerting of all, the uncertainty of what the future holds?

I am going through my second treatment for the MRSA bacteria infection in 10 weeks. It is not the treatments, they are not pleasant or fun in any way, and it is not having the actual bug that seems to get me. It is getting it back to back so quickly that is messing with my head and heart.

I have met some pretty remarkable people at the medical facility where I go for treatment. Marla, what a gentle nurse who shows all she meets compassion. Julie, the trainee – she who keeps the linens stocked in all the rooms – always has a smile. There are all four doctors who have stopped by to look in on me. Each concerned that I get well quickly. And there is Miss Vicki. She reminds me of Tiny Tim's girlfriend.

Miss Vicki has had the pleasure of inserting a tube in my arm 51 cm and making sure that it went the right way – down into my heart and not up into my brain – all without missing a beat while I am sitting there cracking jokes and, well, just being a little difficult and annoying to someone who is matter of fact, has all the pieces lined up and each piece in its proper place, almost mechanical.

I think she almost relished the opportunity to do it the second time after the little stunt I did at her expense 10 weeks earlier. She did have a somewhat sinister smile when we met in the hallway this time. However she was very nice to me again. Something I did not deserve.

With all that said, I am having difficulty with the ancillary ramifications of being laid up again. Not the actual being sick or treatment but the inability to do my job and the disruption to my daily routine. That's what is really bothering me.

I have great co-workers. They rely on me and I on them. Then when you step out of the daily routine for a week of unexpected circumstance no one has a good idea of how to deal with the phone calls and planning that needs to continue with your work. It stresses them out because they are trying to pick up small pieces and patch thing together and understand what you were trying to do. We all can look at a project and my bet is that we would all take a different path toward the end. Not that any of the paths are wrong, they are just different.

My experience is that this breeds suspicion. I think that is what I fear most.

I have a wonderful boss. He is young, has a very quick mind and can run circles around my in the sheer quantity of work he gets done. I am not sure I have met anyone quite so focused. He is a good man to work for and I am continually learning from him. So, why am I so bothered by this second bout with MRSA?

Perhaps it is my desire to not want to disappoint him. I am not sure. I have some further thinking to do before I make up my mind. All I know is that something about this is really working on me.

I updated my computer at work today. I have been using MS Office 2010 BETA for the last six to eight months. Loved the program so I purchased a final release copy yesterday. While doing my homework on installing it I read many of the horror stories others have had. Ooo, I was a little hesitant.

I did an uninstall via Windows, then used MS Windows Installer Clean Up Installation Wizard for Office 2010 and finally followed up with running CCleaner. The install went without a hitch. Up and running. It saw everything including all the network sign-in information. Oh, what relief.

I'm a happy camper.

There are lots of good things in life, but not many are as good as old friends. Not old as in worn out and ready for discard but old as in used, with a patina that only age can give. Kind of like a nice piece of furniture you have had and used your whole life...you know,.. that one you could never give up because it just fits you. That's the kind of friends I'm talking about.

We had a couple of old friends come visit for a few days last week. We have known each other for almost 60 years. He and I were in the same nursery at church as infants and our wives have known each other since their early teen days.

We have been through a lot together, on both sides. Mistakes have been made, some poor decisions, family issues have gotten in the way at times, and there have been times when we would shake our heads wondering what the others were doing. Yet, through the years, even with over a thousand miles separating us, we have found that our friendship is precious and of incredible value.

I hope you have a friend in your life that you can share with. Someone who you can share your darkest moments and not feel like you will be discarded. We have those moments, all of us, and it is really nice to know that there is someone who will still love you, offer support, or just not reject you. They may shake their heads, give you the evil eye, or smack you, but you know that they still love you. There is a hug just around the corner.

It doesn't hurt if your friend is your favorite fishing buddy either.

Blessings on you friends! Blessings.

I wrote something out for today but decided that it wsa too personal.  Not for me but for the others that were part of the story.  Sometimes the intimacy of a small gourp of people is sacred and should stay that way.  With Myspace, Facebook, Blogs and a host of other social networking places it is too easy to 'spill the beans' unintentionally.

I will say that I have some friends that are really going through a rough time with some really big family issues and need constant prayer.  It will not be an easy road to travel.  There will be some twists and turns that even Hollywood could not envision but the one constant that everyone will be able to count on is that "the Lord cares for you and will walk with you through your darkest moments."  This is a promise.  Hold it tight to your chest and rely on it.  Blessings on you.

‘Conversion means a turning, moving round a corner. It can be a sharp, sudden, hairpin bend, as was Paul’s on the road to Damascus, or it can be a gentle, open curve, in which we change our direction only gradually. It is the Holy Spirit who does the work of sanctification, pulling us round the bend. ‘ **

Is it fair to say that some of us are pulled kicking and screaming all along the way?  How about you?  I know that for me, there is a lot of that, kicking and screaming.  Why can’t I just go…calmly following…in a gentle curve…headed always towards the goal?  Why must my road rival those of the Swiss Alps with so many twists, turns, and double backs along its path?  There are lots of ups and downs too.  Not much in the way of a flat level ride here.

It has taken 60 years for me to reach the place where I am tired of the all the twists and turns.  BUT, am I ready to give in, give up the struggle?  Now there is a question.  Am I really ready to give in to the Lord’s leading in my life or am I going to struggle with Him for control?  The funny thing is that I am happy with the direction He leads me, I just don’t like being told what I can and cannot do; thus the twists and turns. In some cases there are complete double backs and complete circles always going up or down in a spiral.

I think I am ready.  I think I am ready to allow Him to take control and lead and me to become a follower.  I am ready to stop struggling so much and see if following is easier and less stressful for me.

‘Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, and enkindle in them the fire of your love. Lord, you tell me, as you told Simon Peter, to ‘Put out into the deep water.’ You are ready to surprise me with the depths I can find in myself, with the work you can do through me. Save me from complacency, from settling for a routine existence. Open me to recognizing your hand in my daily encounters.’  **

**   http://sacredspace.ie/ 

‘What is stirring in me as I pray? Am I consoled, troubled, left cold? I imagine Jesus himself standing or sitting at my side, and share my feelings with him’.    

This quote is from one of my favorite websites – Sacred Space – it is part of today’s prayer.   What struck me so much today was the ‘Am I left cold?’

Some days that is exactly how I feel after spending time in prayer.  It’s like my prayers for the moment have fallen, deflated, to the floor. My heart feels heavy and there does not seem to be as much joy in my life as there should be. 

This dear Irish monk continues by suggesting envisioning Jesus standing or sitting at my side.  Once I do that, it is hard not to cut quickly to what really is bothering me and stop dancing around.  Why do I feel the need to clutter up my prayers with all this non-essential stuff? 

My wife often complains that I don’t talk, that I use too few words, even grunts and groans to communicate with her.  She, on the other hand, sometimes has difficulty in stopping.  Sometimes it is rapid fire, staccato bursts that seem to go on much longer than what I want to listen to.  How different we are.  At the same time, she can be incredibly concise and pointed in her words.

Lord, help me to share what I really feel – with you!  Help me to be guarded and considerate with my words when others are present.  Bless me today, Lord, for I truly need it.

“Paid in full”, that’s what he said, “Paid in full’.  I still can’t believe it.  I still don’t really understand what it means; I’m not sure I ever did or ever will understand.  Paid in full.  What a statement, what a complete understatement!

Here are three simple words that hold so much power, so much freedom.  They almost seem to be random yet they are not. They are very deliberate.   They are purposefully connected to communicate a closing event, the finishing touch, the last mighty transaction that completes the purchase of a lifetime. It’s the end and the beginning, the end of the old and the start of the new, an incredible transition point.

And what a purchase it is.  As purchases go, this is the best there is.  There is none better, none greater, none more magnificent.  Truly amazing, and interestingly, it was not something I did, but rather something someone did for me.

 

After thinking about this, I soon realized that the offer had been there all along.  In fact, in order for the deal to be completed all I had to do was just simply ask.  The offer, no, the gift that made payment possible had already been offered and delivered.  That part was done years ago.  I just didn’t understand.

He said that all I had to do was simply ask and he would make it so.  Ask?  Ask what?  My son-in-law has a saying, “you get 100% of what you don’t ask for.” OK?   

Perhaps you are like me, in that, I have a hard time asking for help.  I want to do it myself, I want to be self-sufficient and not require someone else’s help.  I may get mad and difficult to be around while I’m working through a tough project and I may break things in the process of finding a way to solve the problem at hand, but I want to do it.  I want to do it my way.  It is all about me.  I don’t want help.

Paid in full was never something I would have been able to accomplish.  I would never have been able to repay this debt.  But still, ask for help?    Huh?

The funny thing was that when it was all over there was this “duh” moment of realization.  The fog lifted, the clouds blew away, the sky cleared and it was like I…well…like I understood it really was just that simple.  The same is true for you too.

There is a book that has stood the ravages of time and still, two thousand years after it was written is still the number one bestselling book of all time.  It out sells every other book ever printed.  It is a long book and has a lot of chapters, a lot of different stories that are wonderfully woven together to tell an amazing story.  It is the story of a question, a statement, a request for help, an answer and a payment that is beyond anything you can imagine.  And the payment has already been made in your name.  All you have to do is ask.  How’s that!

This book, The Holy Bible, says in the book of John, chapter 3 and verse 16, that all you have to do is ask and it (eternal life) will be given to you.  This is possible because Jesus, the Christ, has already paid the price for your sins.  Just like he did for me, and he has done it for you too.  All you have to do is ask him to forgive your sins and it will be so done.  It is simple, and yet terrifying all at the same time asking that your sins be forgiven.  I think the hardest part is admitting that I needed help, admitting that something was wrong that I couldn’t fix – that I needed help.  Yet, the fix was – is – so easy and so complete.  Jesus, the Christ, is standing at your hearts door, offering His help to your problem, and all you have to do is ask Him to come into your heart.  It truly is that simple.  Just ask Him for help. 

Jesus, please come into my heart and forgive my sins.   Jesus, thank you.  Jesus, I love you.  Amen. 

So, what fires your passion?  What are you passionate about? 

I was asked this question recently and I had to take some time to think about my answer.  It is not an easy question to answer for me.  There are many things I care deeply about.  Many things can get me really riled up.   But passion?  What am I passionate about?

I did a word search on the internet and found that passion is a very complicated word.  Wikipedia, Websters and a host of other sources seem to all agree – the word originates with the writings of the life of Christ and it’s first English use is in the description of the dramatic time for Christ between the night in the Garden (weeping blood) and the crucifixion.   As I take a look at what Christ was enduring during those long hours alone – I cannot even begin to imagine or understand what that was like – the word seems to take on a whole new meaning.

What am I passionate about?  Wow.  I really am not sure what there is in my life that reaches this level.   So, where does that leave me?

I have a friend who is passionate to the point of being annoying some times.  He is a really outspoken Christian, devoted husband and father and he loves politics.  What a combination.  He is a mentor as well as an incredible friend.  He is someone you can count on if in need and you will find him praying about all that is going on around him.  Always!

He is passionate (in my estimation) about many things.  Mostly he is passionate about those things that have eternal value.  Humm.   

OK, so what am I passionate about?  No, let me reword that sentence.  What should I be passionate about?  Yes, I like that much better.  It is safer and it does not seem to demand quite the same negative response.  But, I am ducking the real issue, aren’t I.  What am I passionate about?

Injustice can get me worked up into frenzy really quickly.  I can become almost white hot in an instance when I sense an injustice is being handed out to me or those around me.  There are others too, but why is the condition of the souls around me not at the top of the list?  Why am I not passionate about the fact that I believe, if you do not believe that Jesus is the Christ and that He came and gave His life for you so you might live in eternity with Him?  Have I become so sensitized by the world that Christ’s love does not ignite a real passion in me any longer? 

I think I need to think a lot more about this.  I am beginning to think that this may be one of the paramount questions I will need to answer in my life or rather for my life.  Perhaps even, this might be THE question St. Peter will be asking about when he greets me at those pearly gates.

God is so good.  We had a wonderful time on vacation - trials and blessings.  I certainly would not have chosen to go through some of the challanges He allowed us to encounter but when all is told it was a wonderful time with family and some new friends.
The Rocky Mountains are gorgous and magnificent.  You could see God's work everywhere.  This was no accident of nature.  It was purposfully created and layed out for our enjoyment.  It is a testiment to His power and grace.  Oh what magesty.  What a throne room!
He is a wonderful God who cares about you and about me.

What a wonderful time we have had in Rocky Mountain National Park. This place is amazing. It certainly is on par with Yellowstone or Yosemite. Glorious views of incredible mountains and meadows. We camped at the lowest elevation camp ground in the park at 8500 feet. One of the parks outlooks is at over 12,000 feet. You can see what looks like from the Pacific to the Atlantic.

We met our daughter (Jenny) and her wonderful husband (JR) and, of course, our grandson Cason along with JR's parents (Dennis and Linda) there. We had lots of fun.

I was able to fish some incredible waters that flow straight from the high mountain glaciers. Rainbow's, brookies, brown and the ever lovely Greenback cutthroat trout. The Greenbacks are especially beautiful. They are the only indigenous trout to this part of Colorado. My favorite waters quickly became The Big Thompson River as it flowed down through the alpine meadow. the Morain Meadow is about 1/2 mile wide and 5 miles long running right up to the base of the some sawtooth looking mountains. Spectacular views.

I was able to take JR fishing twice. This was the first time he ever fished with a fly rod. He did really good. By the end of the second day he was casting pretty well and I could comfortably leave him on his own. Good job JR!

I think we will be back here some time in the future.

Some days I wake up with what feels like a heavy heart.  No specific thing is weighing me down, I just feel like I have those heavy lead blankets the dentist puts on you before he takes an xray of your teeth.  A Heavy, heavy weight slowing my mind down.  These mornings I go to Sacred Space, http://sacredspace.ie/ an Irish Jesuit prayer page.  It always manages to lift my spirit. 

These faithful believers have a way with words that seem to always penetrate my soul. I’m not sure how they do it.  Their words are always what I need to hear.

Today, for instance, I woke up at 4:04 am with the rooster crowing.  That is usually my signal that I need to pray about what is on my mind.  I have a short list of people whom I pray for when God wakes me this way.  Somehow in the middle of praying I fell back to sleep – Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  It was the alarm clock going off.  5AM. I got up and made coffee, started my Anthony Burger CD and sat down in my chair for a few minutes of quiet.

With the heavy blanket on my heart, I opened my netbook and tried a couple of pages to distract myself from the feelings I was having.  Didn’t work.  I opened Sacred Space and went through the prayer liturgy for today.  What a blessing.  5 minutes is all it took and it seemed like I was singing.  The heaviness was gone.  I’m not sure what that heaviness was…don’t really care…God managed to help me get past it and start really living my life today.

 

Thank you, God, for giving us such resources like Sacred Space, to help those of us who need it.  And, bless the people who pour their time and effort into such projects.  Blessings on them!

 

Oh what a sceene it must have been. The queen ... dressed in her finest royal clothing ... anixous adn nervous ... standing at the palace courtyard entrance, waiting for an unscheduled audiance with the king. It could cost her her life if he was in a foul mood. One thing you did not do was interrupt the king or upset the scheduled events of the day. Not even the queen had that option.

The time finally came and the great doors opened. The Great Hall ... filled with the royal courtiers and the kings servants ... awaited this monumental break in protocol. Who would dare break the scheduled cycle of the court? Who would put their life at such risk?

There she stood - the queen! How beautiful she was. What could have been so important that she would risk her life this way?

The king sees her and raises the royal septer granting her entrance and an invitation to approach the throne! Oh, what a long, long walk it is to the throne. But, with head held high the queen makes the most important walk of her life. First one foot, then the other, time after time, slowly and delibertly showing more strength with every step she moves through the royal court. Every step gives her more and more resolve that what she is doing must be done. She risked her life all for one night with the king (more on that in a little while).

You see, the queen saw that she needed to fight the evil cancer of unjustice, greed and power she saw in the kings confidants and advisers. Queen Esther put her life on the line for what? Nothing less than the lives of her people.

Is that story so much different that what we face today? The lives of our people, friends, families, coworkers? Am I willing to stand up against the evil of my time? Am I willing to make the long walk through the royal court for one night with the king so I might persuade him to change the way the country is going? To help him see that his policies are killing my people?

If given the chance would I take it?

In todays hustle and bustle it seems so hard to take time to stop and clear my head of all that is going on around me. There is always some new electronic gadget or program to learn, some noise maker to fill my life with sound and distraction from what is important - focusing on God and His love for me and you.

This morning I made an attempt at coping with uncluttering my mind and focusing on Him. It was a lot harder than I thought. I was thinking that I would skip jumping in the hot tub at 5AM like I usually do each morning, turn on some soft southing, restful music, plop down in my rocking chair and unfill my mind. The only problem is that I could not shut it down enough to start downloading. I could not find a way to decompress. It is like I'm stuck in the fast lane and cannot get over through all the other traffic to the slow lane so I can exit the roadway. My brain is engaged before my body is ready to even get to the starting line.

Vacation is coming in a few days. Hopefully I will be able to find a way to renew my soul and find a way to think again. Its like I need to reboot, throw out some old files so that there will be room for the new. I guess I am tired of overwriting and need a new, bigger hard drive with some unused disk space.

Lord, help me to find a way to start each day with you and find a way to force the world and all its distractions out of my life for a few moments each morning so I may quietly commune with you. Lord, help me slow down and think on you and your word each morning. Help me to find a way to quietly listen for and to your quiet voice. I need your word and direction in my life - more now than ever before.

Thank you Lord, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for waiting quietly and not giving up on me. Thank you for the occasional head slap. Thank you for ... well ... all you do for me. You provide blessing in my life and the lives of those around me. We have so much in the way of your blessing. Thank you.

It's been just a little over a week since those little bacterial decided to find a new host - me!  Three trips to the hospital for IV meds and pick line over a weekend was enough.  I now have a paper bag with 57 syringes that will make for great fun with the grandchildren when it gets hot.  

I still have about 8 days of oral antibiotics to take and I should be finished.  Staff infections are not fun.  However, I have learned how to program almost every appliance in the house, including the TV remote control.  I was finally able to get it to operate the Comcast cable box.  For some reason Samsun and Comcast are not too compatible but I managed to get it to work.

I think I'm going to clean the barn today.  I do not feel like I have the energy for church and all those people in one assembly.  I should be ready to go back next week.

Blessings,

It's 6am on Saturday morning. What are you doing? I'm giving my self 5 syringes full of IV meds. That should last about 12 hours and I get to do it all over again - for the next 5 days.

Actually, I am very grateful to the medical staff at Group Health for perhaps saving my life. I managed to get a very sever case of bacterial infection in my blood via my ear and face. They think that they caught it in time however I have to take some very strong meds that they can't just give me through a vein but must be administered through a catheter just above my heart. What fun.

There are two very good up sides to all this. My blood sugars are down where they are supposed to be because I'm not eating much and I'm loosing weight. What a miracle. Modern science has come so far. I love it.

The down side is that my butt is getting flat from sitting. I'm thinking that I may duct tape the IV pump to the handle bars on my bike and see if that doesn't work to get things a little less static.

Well, its official now. I am 60 years old. The way I look at it 60 is the new 40! There is still a lot of life to live. Like today for instance.

LOLA and I went off this morning to get the Toad fixed. Les Schwaub changed the front shocks and said that should take care of the problem. It sure drives better now that it did yesterday. But I'm not convinced that was the only (or major) problem. I still think that there is something in the u-joints or transfer case that is not right. Well, we are going to move on tomorrow and see what happens. The adventrure continues.

Twisp, WA, is a wonderful little place. Lots to see and do. The river is still running, the wind is blowing, clouds are shuffeling across the sky adn I have hjad a wonderful day. We visited the local hardware store and bought a new barbarque for the motorhome. Its small and easy to fit in the storage cabinet. Can't wait to see what Weber gives me for dinner tonight. Hope it does not taste like new burnt paint.

Tomorrow we move over to Republic, WA. Fifteen miles from Canada. We will be staying on a parcel my boss ownes on the Kettle River. We are supposed to go fishing together on Wednesday. That should be fun. Need to go for now...I hear that steak calling to me.

Well, its official now. I am 60 years old. The way I look at it 60 is the new 40! There is still a lot of life to live. Like today for instance.

LOLA and I went off this morning to get the Toad fixed. Les Schwaub changed the front shocks and said that should take care of the problem. It sure drives better now that it did yesterday. But I'm not convinced that was the only (or major) problem. I still think that there is something in the u-joints or transfer case that is not right. Well, we are going to move on tomorrow and see what happens. The adventrure continues.

Twisp, WA, is a wonderful little place. Lots to see and do. The river is still running, the wind is blowing, clouds are shuffeling across the sky adn I have hjad a wonderful day. We visited the local hardware store and bought a new barbarque for the motorhome. Its small and easy to fit in the storage cabinet. Can't wait to see what Weber gives me for dinner tonight. Hope it does not taste like new burnt paint.

Tomorrow we move over to Republic, WA. Fifteen miles from Canada. We will be staying on a parcel my boss ownes on the Kettle River. We are supposed to go fishing together on Wednesday. That should be fun. Need to go for now...I hear that steak calling to me.

Well, its vacation week.  We left this morning and drove from Tenino up I-5 to Arlington and jumped on 530 East headed for Twisp, WA.  The drive over the mountains was spactactular.  The Northern Cascades are know as the American Apls.  There were spots where the mountain sides towered over us 5-6000 feet straight up.

At one point the jagged edged saw-tooth snow-capped mountains were right there ahead of us.  Beautiful, thats all I can say.  Winthrop/Twisp area is kind of like going back a 100 or so years.  Western themed ranching country.

We took a drive up the Twisp River Road thinking that it would lead us to some small stream fishing.  When we found a nice spot we pulled over to the side of the road and asked the rancher if we could fly fish the river through his property.  He said "Well, I guess you could but fishing doesn't open here until July 1st."  Oops.  It is only June 19th.  That could have been an expensive mistake.  

We continued on up the mountain road and took a side road that lead us up to Black Pine Lake.  It was 8 miles up a dirt road to the lake.  At mile marker 6 the truck started to make a real loud clicking sound near the transfer case so we turned around and started down the mountain, praying all the while that God would get us home without a long, lonely, dark walk.  As soon as we turned on to the highway the sound started to get more and more faint.  

Les Schaub is only a couple of miles up the road and we will be there Monday morning bright and early.  Hope they can fix it!

We are in Riverside RV Park, Twisp, WA.  What a beautiful place.  The Methow river is 25 feet away.  Only grass and wild roses between me an the water.  Oooo.  Tomorrow the Methow and I have a date.  Time for doing the dinner dishes.  Then some quality time with LOLA.  Now were talking!

I woke up this morning with a question ringing in my ears - what can wash away my sin?  It won't go away, the question, it is with me like a nagging headache.  Even as I sit in my rocking chair with some Anthony Burger playing softly in the background, it won't go away.

Soooo, what is it that can wash away my sin?  I asked Google and Google says it is the Blood of Jesus.  It returned 356,000 pages in 2 seconds.  Pretty good odds there may be something here.

What is blood and how can it cleanse?  You've seen it, blood that is.  Probably some of your own.  It's sticky, gooey and drys to a crusty scabby kind of mess.  It gives us life.  It restores our bodies from the beatings we give them every day.  It stains!  It is hard to remove.  It leaves a residue on every thing it touches.  Just watch NCIS or one of the other cop shows on TV.  They have this really cool light and colored glasses that show where the blood is/was even after it has been cleaned up.  I should ask my nephew about this.  He works in the Crime Scene Unit for the Washington State Patrol.  He probably would know.  

Ok, if it cannot be cleaned up, if bleach won't remove it, if water only dilutes it, somehow, I'm thinking, it is not blood that does the cleansing.  It must be something else.  What?

But Google is usually pretty reliable in answering my questions.  Jessie Stone (Tom Sellick, TV cop) says to always go back to the beginning when you come to an end.   I'm going back to the beginning.

The first page Google returned in answer to my question says, 'Nothing but the blood of Jesus;  What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. ...'  Ah!  Now we have it, here it is, right in the first listing.  It takes a special type of blood!  Not just any blood.  Yours or mine won't work.  There is no cleansing power in our blood, its gooey and stains.  In fact it will only make things worse.  But Jesus' blood...now that's a whole other thing.

Jesus, the one who died on a cross and rose from the dead.  It is His blood that cleanses our sin.  Well, that is what Google says.  And, it's also what the Bible says.  Imagine that.  Google and the Bible giving the same answer.  It must be right!  

Jesus took our sins, yours and mine, and in a remarkable event, became sin in the face of God.  And, God had to look away from Him.  Ouch.  What's that all about?  That's another post some day.  

God could not look on Jesus because He became sin (for you and me).  This is the supreme act of selflessness throughout all history.  One son, God's son, gave up the only thing he wanted most in life, to shine in his fathers eyes, for you and for me.  He gave it up by dying on a cross with nails driven in his hands and a sword piercing his side.  He died in disgrace and dispair.  He died bleeding, physically and emotionally.  A broken body and a broken heart.

A magical moment happend that day.  At the exact moment when he died, God tore the curtain (seven very heavy curtains hung as one) that seperated the holy place in his dwelling place (the temple) in two, allowing the common person access into the Holy of Holies.  In other words, he made a way for you and me to gain direct access to Himself.  We didn't have to go to God through the priest any more.  And we didn't have to sacrifice another living thing (that blood thing again). But it only happened because God's son, Jesus, became sin and died on a cross, for you and me.  Jesus was heart-wrenchingly seperated from his father for a brief moment.  

Because of that selfless act, the blood that was spilt that day, Jesus' own blood, now has special powers that no other has.  It cleanses sin.  Your sin, and my sin, it cleanses it all, it takes it away, it destroys it, it is forever removed - gone for eternity!  Wow!

Thank you Jesus!  Thank you.

I like stability!  Repeats are great.  As I get older (just turning 60 this month) I find that routine is just fine more and more.  Somehow it seems to make life easier.  Get up at the same time...go to the same barista for morning coffee...drive the same route to work each day...manage the same tasks and coworkers...take your meds at the same time...watch the same TV shows...go to bed at the same time...they all add up to a full and enjoyavble life.  

Add too much additional drama to the mix and life seems a little off kilter.  I don't like being off kilter.  

This past year has been full of additional drama.  We see it playing out in our national politics, in our local communities, in the lives of our friends and even in our own.  It feels disconcerting to me.  As a nation it seems like we are at war with ourselves.  There is not a defined enemy other than "its the other guy" and we really don't have a clear definition of who that is except for anyone who does not profess the same values you or I hold so dear.  And, that just does not make too much sense.

We all know that it takes diversity for life to work.  We see it in nature.  When too much inbreeding happens dramatic changes occur.  Changes that are not good.  The same is true when we want everyone to do the same thing or think alike.  We very quickly become a herd of sheep headed for the cliff.  A very high cliff.

I have started to pray that I could find some leadership to support that would not be quite so polarizing and that would be clear in what it stands for.  It seems to me that we don't need more drama, finger pointing or blasting away at the other guys but clear and concise statements of understanding and knowing exactly where we stand on the issues.  I need a national cheerleader who can cheer me on towards the future.  Some one who can pull us back from the brink of the cliff.  

Please, please show your self!

Tuesday Morning

It's Monday, err, Tuesday morning after a very nice long weekend.  Wow, did I need the extra day of rest.  Feeling pretty good this morning.  

Kathleen and I took time yesterday to go for a drive.  I promised her that I would make sure we were back home by noon.  We went looking for a new fishing spot that one of her co-workers suggested.  It took some time but we were able to find it.  I think that it will be one of the first places I try when the season opens next weekend.  

Oh, yeah, we got home at 11:53.  Seven minutes early.  Took a nap, putzed in the yard, cleaned the garage, and generally goofed off the rest of the day.  Wonderful.

A Memory with Bedford Hicks

One of my old friends past on today.  

He was ancient by my way of thinking.  He is the father of a beautiful redhead I dated during high school.  That was almost 42 years ago.  She, I liked very much.  Oh, that red hair.  I liked her mom and brother too.  I really liked her sister (who married one of my best friends) but I was absolutely terrified of her dad.  I thought that he might enjoy having my ass for dinner just because he could.  And, he did, on multiple occasions.  Just because he could.

Later on a few years, I remember going on a fishing trip with Bedford and one of his doctor friends.  I think the reason we (my best friend who married his daughter and I) went with him was that he owned a motor home and that was way more exciting than sleeping on the ground or in the pickup bed.  He and the doc had the bedroom, my friend got the couch and I slept on the floor. 

The TV played from the time we left home until we arrived back there after a week of fishing.  He never turned the thing off.  One time I tried to turn it off and he just roared at me.  Once, while he was sleeping (really snoring and snorting loudly with an occasional gasp for more air) using the remote control, I started to turn the volume down one click at a time over perhaps 15 minutes, so I could sleep without the TV playing reruns of Mr. Ed or The Twilight Zone.  Finally, the volume was down to almost off...one or two more clicks...you had to really work to hear it...and I was feeling like a million dollars with sleep just starting to wash over me.  Oh, sleep, quiet sleep, what blessedness it gives the soul. 

Inever made it to that last click.  Bedford sucked air just enough to momentarily wake up.  "Who turned off the TV," he roared, 'I was watching that!"  He instantly knew it was me who had turned it off.  No one else would dare do such a thing.  "It's not off, the picture is still on, watch-a-way all you want", I said.  Didn't work.  He made me turn up the volume on the damn thing.  I thought of pulling a tube out of the back but there was none.  Awe shucks!

Another memory on the same trip was that Bedford and the Doc would consume alarming amounts of Vodka.  They would start at breakfast with Vodka and orange juice, at lunch it was Vodka and Coke-a-Cola and by the time dinner was over it was just straight Vodka.  

I'm not much of a drinker, but it seemed to me that one bottle of Vodka a day per man should be enough to really leave one plastered and sleep should come easy and hard.  Not so with Bedford.  The more he consumed the more easy going he was with everyone else and the more he enjoyed torturing me. 

There were ways of getting even with him though.   My wife has always had this fancy of hiding embarrassing things in my clothes or fishing gear.  One trip it might be some fancy lacey underware or perhaps a leapord print bra.  I have quite a collection now. On this trip she had purchased what could only be called a cleverly comical guys G-string  Complete with a face, hat and giant nose.  I found it and quickly hid it in Bedford's stuff.

Sometime after dinner he found it and was mad as hell.  He came storming out of the bedroom waving this thing all around in the air, making gestures and yelling words that still burn my ears all these years later.   The motor home was rocking from side to side, dishes tumbling into the sink and glasses spilling, people jumping to get out of his way.   He looking for me!  Once again, he knew it was me who had planted this obscene thing in his precious stuff.  But, Oh what a laugh we all had.  It took some time, but even Bedford began to laugh at Pierre.  

Memories.  These are all I have left of my precious friend, just memories.  Good by old friend, we will miss you.

God is Good

What a weekend. Hard work on Saturday and rest on Sunday. Just how it is supposed to be.

Saturday I finished the greenhouse for Lola. This is something she has wanted since we moved to Washington 8 years ago. Now she has a place to start her vegies and plants to get an early start on the growing season.

Sunday we took time just for ourselves. After a wonderful time at church we went to lunch. We were the first people in the restaurant - a little mariachi music in the background and a nice young lady who kept our chips and salsa full. What more can you ask for?

We took a nice 20 mile drive through the country on the way home, cows in the fields, geese in the meadows, horses at the fence waiting for someone to feed them a carrot or apple. The windows were rolled down and we could hear the birds singing above the low roar of the wind in our hair. How nice it is to relax.

Home and a nap! Never got the nap but home was really nice. We did crawl into bed for some youthful fun and that always has a way of straightening out whatever it is that gets me kinked up. It somehow reshuffles my hard drive and gets my brain working again.

This is all so wonderful because heading into Friday, both Lola and I were getting more and more messed up. She was suffering from depression and I was reacting poorly. I accused her of not taking her meds and she accused me of ...well, being me. Ouch.

We missed our granddaughters recital because neither of us wanted to be in a crowd of people. We wanted some time to ourselves without the need to interact with others. There are just times when quiet and hard work are therapeutic. And, that is what both of us needed.

Now the chore is to find a way to say 'I'm sorry' to Kayla. Perhaps a special concert just for Nana and Papa might help.

All that said, it's Monday morning and the gray clouds are gone. God has help to restore our souls once again. How amazing He is.

Mother's Day at Rock Prairie

I asked my wife what she wanted for Mothers day this year and she replied with this question: 'Can I have anything I want'? Yes Dear, anything you want. This is your day. 'I don't want to go to church. I need some time away from people!'  

She chose to spend the day at our home on Rock Prairie. Breakfast out at the local (only) restaurant with all the other Rock Prairieites. We, of course, went in blue jeans, our normal dress code, and felt somewhat over dressed. I didn't have any suspenders on and she didn't have her hair up in honeybun or whatever they call that now days.

After breakfast we went shopping. Well, we went up to the old Barn looking for some dogwood trees. Her (our) children had given her some funds to purchase a tree or two. They had a lot of trees but not the one she was looking for. So we packed it up and started for home discouraged a little. Then we took off for the next town down the Oregon Trail about 20 miles away. As we drove down the highway I mentioned that this is one of my favorite roads to travel. It goes through a lot of farms and follows a river for a good while. Green, slow, peaceful.  I really love this drive.

After about 20 minutes of this most of her discouragement was ebbing away. Walking through the nursery and touching all the plants seemed to heal whatever was bothering her. She was smiling. Then she said to the clerk, 'I want this one...and this one...oh, and that one. WHAT? All I could see was WORK coming.  I mean we live in Rock Prairie...the name fits.

We brought the trees home and started to work...how do you keep the mole from eating the new roots? Ah! We planted them in chicken wire baskets set in the ground. Hope it works. Some how it just takes dirt under her finger nails to make the couds go away. She spent the whole day working at planting trees and other items in the yard as well as making a few modification to the chicken coops in the back. At one time I caught her just sitting in the middle of the chicken coop playing with the two new turkey chicks. She was actually lying down in the hay letting them climb on her - giggling all the while. What ever it takes for those smiles! I love it. 

Me? I went in and cleaned up the kitchen, washed the dishes, thought about doing some laundry (not) and settled in my easy chair with a cold soda. It was turning out to be a good day at Rock Prairie.

It's going to be a good day!

Hey, it's going to be a good day. I'm vertical, not horizontal! Lola pushed me out of bed with her feet and said 'get your a** in gear you ol' coote! So here I am. Haven't been called that for a while.

We moved my African Violets to a new location and they seem to be really happy. Some have leaves taht are as big as the palm of your hand. Others are full of new blooms. My orchids are blooming with new spikes. Not sure what color they are. I think a green-yellow mix with some small brown spots. They should open in a couple of weeks.

Just imagine...growing orchids in your kitchen in WA. Who would have thought that could happen. I mean it is 34 degrees outside this morning. And we thought summer was here. It is supposed to be in the mid seventies this weekend. Maybe it is.

Got to go...

Would to God that All

"Would to God that all the party names and unscriptural phrases and forms which have divided the Christian world were forgot, and that we might all agree to sit down together, as humble, loving disciples, at the feet of our common Master, to hear His word, to imbibe His Spirit, and to transcribe His life in our own." (January 4, 1754 - John Wesley)

My son-in-law’s father put this quote on his Facebook page. For some reason it just struck me – humbly sitting down together – or rather sitting down together, humbly. There is a difference. The first implys individuals humbling themselves before meeting as an assembly of peers and the latter implies that the group humbles themselves collectively as they begin to contemplate an action.

How much better it would be if we were to follow this ageless direction for our lives as believers. Many things find ways to divide us and the real message gets lost in all our bickering. I was reminded in class yesterday of the importance of sharing the Good News with those around me to help ensure that they too have a chance to sit at the Masters feet and hear His word.

There is so much in this quote. ‘Would to God that all…’ Me, you, we are each included. It is collective and encompassing. But it is so much more. Not just those of us that are living and breathing beings, but the thoughts and ideals we hold do dear. Those same thoughts and idea, are what divide us, as we find it so difficult to reconcile the differentness of our thoughts, wisdoms and teachings on a given tenant or doctrine.

‘All that divides the Christian world’ – whew, that’s a lot! What is it that divides you and me? What are the issues that cause us to think ill of one another? What is it that keeps us from joining together as one to worship the Master and Savior together? Why are these things so important that we allow them to divide us? The easy answer is to blame it all on Satan. But somehow I think that, while he may hold some of the blame, I too, am indicted by my own actions and words. This is the most troubling part of the paradox for me.

“Me? How can that be? It’s not me, it’s them. I mean, just look at them carrying on and on deriding what I believe. How can they do that? No, how can they think that way? It’s just not right! How stupid can you g…?” And so on goes the conversation in my head. And what does it get me? A poke in the ribs from my wife…that’s just for starters. Actually, what it gets me is discouraged. Frustrated that we let such seemingly petty things get in the way of sharing the Good News and helping others to find Him, the One Who is Able to Save, the Redeemer. Somehow this conversation always casts a pall over spirit and my bright outlook gets dulled. That part IS Satan’s work. But I own the rest. Dwelling and continued contemplation on the differences and working myself up so I say angry words or begin to plot hurtful words to fling back. That part is ME.

Oh my, but I could go on for a long time. The me part again. BUT, this should be about HIM. What would He want me to do? In my heart I know what it is. He would, and does, want me to share - if we will let Him into our heart, lives and thoughts He promises that we will have eternal life with Him in return. It really is that simple.

Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul

Today I was witness to one of the most astounding baptism services in my 60 years of following Christ.  A new fellowship of believers, new friends, God’s amazing presence, and testimonies of how He has changed believer’s lives were all very much a part of this wonderful time.

My experience is that baptism always seemed to be solemn affair, almost like, well, communion - here, today, it was a celebration with everyone clapping and shouting encouragement – all while loud celebratory and praiseworthy music was being played and we congregants worshiped the All Mighty God, The Savior and Redeemer of Life.

In God’s presence is an amazing place to be!

Perhaps Robert Coleman says it best.  “It is beautiful to contemplate the nature of deity and to bask in His glory.  This is really what worship is – the adoring response of the creature to the infinite majesty of God.  While it presupposes submission to Him, worship, in its highest sense, is not supplication for needs, or even thanksgiving for blessings, but ‘the occupation of the soul with God Himself.’  Whatever the means – preaching and hearing of the Word, celebration of the sacraments, singing of hymns, offering of prayers, quiet meditation – the end of it all is the pure joy of magnifying the One who alone is worthy.”

Today that ‘pure joy of magnifying the One who alone is worthy’ was part of the baptism of believers.  Hallelujah, amen!

Sleep What?

I had just called to talk with the doctor and get the results from some testing that he had scheduled for me to get done.  It seemed a little strange that they wanted to do a “sono-gram” on me.  I’m not pregnant and have not been visited by aliens from outer space that I know of.  What are they going to look at anyway?  Oh, but I’m way ahead of my self here.   Let me start at the beginning.

…I just got back from the doctor again.  What is it about all these tests?  OK.  Sure, I have complained.  But not enough to justify seven different doctor office visits, each with some sort of test associated with it.  The last one was for sleep apnea for heavens sake.  I’m fast asleep within 30 seconds and usually don’t wake up more than once for a visit to the … well, you know the drill.  Sleep is NOT one of my problems.

So I show up just like I’m supposed to.  The specialist is a 45 minute drive from my home if there is no traffic.  With traffic…it could take an hour or two.  This little ‘candy striper’ of a nurse calls my name out and I follow her down the hall to the exam room.  She instructs me to disrobe and she will be back in a few minutes.  The gown she gives me won’t cover my ass much less any other parts.  Luckily there is a towel hanging on the back of the door. 

When she returns she sweetly smiles and says, “Oh, Mr. Maxwell, not that much!   These gowns are only big enough to cover your upper body.  I only need to see your chest and shoulders.  I’ll be back in a minute”. 

Crap.  How could I have misunderstood her directions?  No, I got it right.  I saw that grin she had on her face.  That little…  I quickly put my pants, socks and shoes back on.   Then I waited.  Nervously.  How can your toes get so cold so fast?  And this gown, its not much more than half a baby crib sheet with a tie on it.  I have tee shirts that are bigger.

Finally she returned.  It was only then that I noticed her name tag.  DR CHRISTINA.  After all was said and done, my little candy striper nurse was the actual doctor!  She didn’t look like she was more than a few weeks out of college or med school.    I was stunned.

After a brief introduction, complete with a smile from ear to ear she started prodding and poked all around my neck, feeling for who knows what.  This was about sleep right?  What’s that have to do with the neck and shoulders. 

The next thing I knew she had me strapped up to a machine with a bunch of little sticky pads placed all over my chest and neck.  There was a mask that blew air in my nose and tube that had to go in my mouth.  I looked like I was part of a Frankenstein movie scene.  Then she said “you need to remember how to do this yourself tonight”.  What? I wasn’t paying attention.  There’s got to be 30 wires here.  How am I supposed to remember where they all go?  You got to be kidding me.

She checked a lot of things and somewhere in all this made the comment “this doesn’t feel right.  You should get your thyroid checked.  Oh, and make sure that you get this green wire on the top terminal of the control panel when you do this tonight.  It won’t work right if you don’t and then we will have to do it again.”  Not going to happen. 

This is my last doctor’s visit for a long time.  I’m not doing this test again.  Who invented this thing anyway?  How am I supposed to sleep with all this electronic junk hanging on me?

OK, I got it all wired up and settled down to go to sleep.  How do you sleep with this mask on?  And this tube blowing air in my nose, it was awful.  I have two friends who use one of these masks every night and are almost afraid to try to sleep without them.  They got to be nuts!  Well, one actually is nuts, but that’s another story.

How do you roll over?  All I did was toss and turn, well, actually, I just got mad.  The more I tried to sleep the more uncomfortable I became.  After some time I did fall asleep for what felt like only moments at a time.  After 5 hours of this I gave up and ripped it off and threw it on the floor.  Finally I could get some sleep.

Brrrrrrrrrrrr.  It can’t be 5 AM yet, can it?  That nasty alarm clock just went off and jolted me to a semiconscious state of morning breath and heavy eyelids.  I slid out of bead and tripped on to the floor.  That blank-ity-blank mask got me again.  Somehow I managed to get my teeth brushed and my eyelids open long enough to pack that thing up and throw it in my truck.  Boy, will I be glad to turn this in and be done with doctors’ visits for a long time. 

A few days later I received my sleep apnea report.  I have no problem sleeping at night!  Just like I told them.  I wonder how much that little episode cost the insurance company?

Oh, yeah, on the bottom of the report was a notice to report to another doctor for a sono-gram.  What?  A sono-gram?

Its Been A Long Time

Its 5:30 am on a Saturday morning.  The house is quiet, the dogs are still sleeping, my wife is just starting to stir.  I thought I would check my email and there was a message from our oldest letting us know that she had something special posted on her blog.  She said she was asked to speak at church in tomorrow mornings service and she wanted to give us a heads up on what she was going to say.  

Ooooo.  My mind shifted into overdrive trying to guess what that message might be.  Good?  Bad?  What would she say that she thought we might need advanced notice of? 

Shame on me! 

I guess I really needed to read what she said.  It made me realize that as parents we really do have influence in who/what our children become.  I mean, I already knew that...I just needed to be reminded.  What a wonderful young woman of God she has become.  

Now, please understand, I am not saying that she is who she is because of me or because of my influence in her life.  Although I would like to think her mom and I played a part in who she has become...she is who she is because of the choices she has made in response to those life circumstances and events that take place everyday.  And wow, are we proud of her.

Rock on Kassie!